I smile. Therefore I blog.

As the saying goes, tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are, like seriously?  Does the people you spent your time with defines who you are? Does the friends you hangout with shows your entity? Maybe it does, but not necessarily. Although it does affect what shallow people might think and say about you but the words coming from those close minded are words not worth listening to.

Whoever it was that you decided to waste your time with is not for anyone to bear. The consequences of your actions are yours and yours alone. No one can say anything against you simply because you spent your own time talking to a person, whoever that was, whatever status they may have. The things that they do is not under your control. Thus, making you free from all the judgment that comes with their identity. Spending time with a person doesn’t make you like them and being in a crowd doesn’t make you part of it.

“What you are and where you stand at the society doesn’t matter, as long as you get along fine and you don’t interfere with anybody’s business.”

i think. therefore i blog. (post two)

Ever come to the point where you question yourself for doing something repulsively but regretting it the second its done?

Weird right? But seriously, whatever people might say, whatever judgement one shall make, remember that we all have the right to change our minds according to our own impulse.

Words formed from their shallow minds are not our fault. They’re little understanding of what we do, what we believe in, what we thought was right is not their concern. In the first place, we are all born with different abilities, making everyone of us unique in our own ways. The ability, talent or skill to do one thing or another makes us differ in a way, thus, proves how simple the fact that we are built up of  altered symmetry. No one deserves to judge. No one deserves to be judged.


gone forever

Don’t know what’s going on
Don’t know what went wrong
Feels like a hundred years
I still can’t believe you’re gone

So, I’ll stay up all night
With these bloodshot eyes
While these walls surround me
With the story of our life

I feel so much better
Now, that you’re gone forever
I tell myself that I don’t
Miss you at all

I’m not lying, denying
That I feel so much better now
That you’re gone forever

Now, things are coming clear
And I don’t need you here
And in this world around me
I’m glad you disappeared

So, I’ll stay out all night
Get drunk and fuck and fight
Until the morning comes
I’ll forget about our life

I feel so much better
Now, that you’re gone forever
I tell myself that I don’t
Miss you at all

I’m not lying, denying
That I feel so much better now
That you’re gone forever

First time you screamed at me
I should have made you leave
I should have known
It could be so much better

I hope you’re missing me
I hope I’ve made you see
That I’m gone forever

And now, it’s coming clear
That I don’t need you here
And in this world around me
I’m glad you disappeared

I feel so much better
Now, that you’re gone forever
I tell myself that I don’t
Miss you at all

I’m not lying, denying
That I feel so much better now
That you’re gone forever

And now, you’re gone forever
And now, you’re gone forever

memories


02.23.2012

I am not as talented as the people who believed in me thought I am. But I am not as incapable as most  people said I am.  I may not be as talented as I wanted to be, yet I am perfectly imperfect the way I am meant to be..

drowning myself in your music

 

Skidding down the street of my dreams,
Trying to find the light.
Repenting all the darkness that surrounds,
Deciding what is right.

But the sound of you leads the way,
The grace of your strings keep me awake.

Close my eyes,
Shut them tight,
While drowning myself in your music.
Hold my hand,
As they scream,
And we’ll be drowning ourselves in your song.

Hearing little by little the words your saying,
Repeating it in my mind.
Tuning out all the noises of the world,
Hoping for goodness tonight.

But the sound of you helps me stay,
The color of your voice keeps me sane.

Close my eyes,
Shut them tight,
While drowning myself in your music.
Hold my hand,
As they scream,
And we’ll be drowning ourselves in your song.

02.12.2011
6:39pm

 

11/25/2011

I’m not a photographer. I’m just passionate about capturing a picture perfect moment thru a lens.

chapter 4..

How I got thru the morning was a big question. All I remember was Jake dragging me out of bed and shoving breakfast in front of my face.

“Eat up. were going to school in an hour?” He said, fumbling over the sink. I must have a  looked at him in an odd way because he raised an eyebrow before he continued. “What? We should at least get you educated or something.”

“Are you like, serious??” He nodded slowly. “But you know I havent had any memories back.Yet.”

“So? It doesn’t mean you don’t remember anything academically.”

He does have a point. “But – “

“Besides, getting your world back on track might even trigger your memories back.”

“And why would you think that?”

He was peeling a banana and bit before answering. “Well, it was likely a routine in your past life. I mean, you go to school before. And it will be like doing stuff you used to do. You might, should remember something.”

“What if I don’t go to school before? Maybe I don’t go at all?”

Jake sighed. “Seriously Erin. If you don’t go to school, what else would you have been doing in your life?”

Good question. I considered my options and shrugged at him.

“Okay. We’ll sign you up for school and get started in two weeks.” He said grinning.

I have nothing to do but nod. But there was this itching in the back of my mind telling me I haven’t been to school. Like I said, I don’t go at all. Jake’s question flashed into my mind though. What would I have been doing in my life?

The big brass gate of the school, Northwood Academy look nothing familiar. Everything looks too foreign. Even the students littering the school. Jake wasted no time touring me around and signing me up to open classes. I’ve got nothing on my hands for a record but Jake fixed that up by saying I’ve lost all my important papers and they miraculously fall for that. No questions asked, I was to be a junior like Jake. He said we’ve got to have classes together and same lunch period. I didn’t say anything, I’ve got a feeling he would be granted what he wanted anyway. That was one more thing to think about, I’ve got this hunch on every moment. Its weird. Everytime I get this hunch of what would happen, that’s exactly how it will go. Like I could somehow predict the future.

Jake and I were walking towards the parking lot. He was mumbling about books we needed to buy and stuff I needed when I felt eyes on me. I stopped on my tracks and looked around. “What?” Jake asked.

“Hold up.” I replied, scanning the whole place. A lot of students were lingering at the parking lot talking and laughing but no one seemed to be paying more attention than necessary on them. She was about to turn back towards the car when someone tapped her shoulder, irrevocably sending electrical sparks through her body.

“Iris.” The boy asked. He looked unusually foreign to her. He was six feet tall towering over her with his black jet hair and bright, bright blue eyes. And did he just call her another name? Does he knew her?

Jake was now looking at both of them expectantly.

“My name is Erin..” I said hesitantly.

The boys eyes widen. “Oh.” he said. “Oh, um. I thought.. I’m sorry, I must have mistaken you for a different person.” He looked awfully honest but there was something weird about his eyes. Like it was giving her some other answer.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m sorry, I thought you were this friend I haven’t seen in a lifetime.” And he turned and walked away cooly. As if nothing just happened.

“Do you know him?” Jake asked. I shook my head. “Are you certain? Don’t he look familiar to you or anything?” I shook my head again. “Because seriously he does look at you like he was so sure he knew you.”

That was what I’m thinking but I shook my head on the idea. “No. I don’t think so.” I was  still looking at the boy when he entered his jeep glancing my way one last time before he drove away.

Jake didn’t mention it again on the way home. He just went on telling me about school and places near it without me paying attention. The encounter with the boy wast still playing on her mind in repeat. There was something else in the way he called her that name. Iris. And there was definitely something beneath when he denied it. Thinking of it makes my head spin. I have to see that boy again. I have to talk to him. I have about a hundred questions I needed answers. And maybe that boy was the start for me to find my memory back. To find my life back.

RHCP’s latest album.

EPIC.

chapter 3..

It’s been a year since I woke up in this place bearing no memory at all. Jake’s place to be exact. I have no idea who I was or where I am from, or even why I existed without identity, all I know is that Jake welcomed me into his house, his life, his world.

I looked around this four corners of private space he had granted me. The first time I was here, it felt too foreign. In months though, I’ve grown so accustomed to this room, it felt like it is a place I own. It wasn’t mine technically, yet I nested on it for a while now, specially on times when I know nothing but confusion.

It’s three in the morning and I’m still awake. I could hear Jake’s shallow breathing from his room loud and clear. It was weird how he could easily fell asleep even with a stranger inside his house. But Jake doesn’t judge people. He trust his better judgment. And I’m glad for that. I’m lucky for that.

Today officially marks one year here. Just like the first time I woke up in this place, I still don’t remember anything from my past. We, Jake and I tried for months to look for clues of who I really am. As if I just magically appeared out of thin air, there was no trace of me anywhere. No family. No friends. No missing person named Erin. Apparently I don’t exist.

Jake given up trying to find out anything about my past, said I should just accept the present. Told me that I’m just any other human being like him. But the thing is, I am nothing like him.

This fact was something I haven’t had the courage to tell him. I tried. God knows I did. But Jake didn’t seem to believe me. Even joked about me being an alien from another planet. And because of my questioned past and unexplainable indifference from him, I was in a brink of believing him myself.

I sighed and sat up taking in the room for a millionth time. The gray wall, the black furnitures and even the wooden floors, it was the only thing that I will remember for such a long time.

And then I heard it. Outside. From across the street. By the big sycamore tree. I hesitantly walked over the window and stared outside. It was dark. I couldn’t make out the face but I could have sworn someone was there. Someone by the tree, staring at my direction. I shivered involuntarily, blinked and squinted my eyes trying to see who it might be. But as if it was just my mere imagination, the figure was gone.