Sa tinagal tagal ng panahon na di ako nakapagblog, maxadong overloaded na ang utak ko. tsk. tsk. maxadong maraming nangyari, maxadong maraming happenings. In short, outdated ka na mr. blog. Pero okay lang dahil in the next few days, sisiguraduhon kong may bago kang laman araw-araw. (:
Can life suck any better than this? a friend used to ask. And now, it’s the same question ive got to put up with. Because seriously, ive got more than enough problems to last a lifetime.
And maybe I am exaggerating here. A little most likely. But honestly, it feels like that. The world seems too big to tackle and its people too twisted to understand.
I already tried closing my eyes and thinking everything’s gonna be fine. But guess what? It doesn’t work this time around. It was as if the hope left in my heart was already thinning out. Yet ive got to hold on to it, to keep it going, to keep my faith coming. I just didn’t know if I can’t do that long enough to change what seems inevitable.
Today was the day that I decided to die. It was of perfect date. It was of perfect timing to end everything. Why? I am blindly leading my life all this time and I’m tired. I have nothing to lose. I have nothing to gain. But I’d be peaceful. No more hatred. No more disappointments. It will be a good answer to the pointless life I’m living. It will be a solution to the burden I was carrying for so long. And it would be good. I know it would be.
I have been tired for so long, seeking my purpose in this world, in this very life. And as far as I know, I’ve been able to touch a few lives, I have been able to change one, though I may have unknowingly ruined one. I can never be sure but it wouldn’t matter anyway. I’ll be letting it all go and there’ll be nothing left to worry about after.
There’d probably be a lot of tears to shed when I’m gone. My family will probably cry a lot, stay in pain and guilt for a while. But in the end, they’d be able to accept it. They’ll move on and that will be the end of the story. That’s one good thing about this existence, we all felt pain, heartbreak and guilt but in a little span of time, we’ll learn to live with it and move on. Only a few might remember but most of them will surely forgot.
My friends will be shocked. They will be caught by surprise and they’ll wonder why on earth will a girl so carefree and high-spirited would decide to take her life for no grave reason. It will be amusing I’m sure, to know who will cry, and who will mourn my death silently. There will be plenty of them I expect. After all, I am pretty much friendly. They’ll be at my funeral, almost all of them, in a group, wearing their black shirts and mourning. But they will never stop wondering why i came up with this decision. A few might understand. Those who knew me well and those who could read what’s in my eyes no matter how I smile to hide it all. But most of them will be left contemplating still. And I wouldn’t be there to explain it. After all, I’d be dead before they even know I was capable of doing it.
Yet I love my life. No one has the right to say I hate it just because I decided to let it all go in the end. It was my decision and no one was to blame for it. I’m waging all the responsibility for doing so leaving everyone guilt free.
I expect everyone will be able to accept this in due time. Besides, it is my life. I have every right to end it whenever I please.
sabi ko gusto ko ning change..wow..eu ka mn tulos..uek..uek..di ugmahon mn daa ko..kadakol explanation..naintndihan mu mn ata..pro anu nangyari?? nalusaw? seriously. gro baga dati mn lang..dagdag lng sa mga maung kwentang tao n nabisto ko..gro bko mn change c nahanap ko..garo dagdag kulog payo lng..ang masaklap pa, nag’asa ako. hai buhay..msakit na talaga ang panahon. msakit bagohon ang lifestyle na nakasanayan na..masakit baguhon ang routine sa buhay..masakit magpadara sa agos na bigla na lng mapundo tapos mawawalat ka na lng bigla sa ere..sayang..kadakol ko pa kuta naiisip baguhon kaso, mau, nadisappoint lng ko saimu..hai..
I always say things I don’t mean.And regretting it all immediately after. But I never take them back. What for? The damaged caused by my words are already been inflicted, the torture felt, the wounds etched deep. So why would I take something back that could never be erased whatever it is that I do? It’s stupid, rude, and maybe the worst kind of torture. But what can I do? I speak with my eyes wide open. I say what I feel regardless of what people might think of me. Regardless of what people might feel. Yet I’m not saying I say anything that I want. I think. All do. But sometimes, we all say something that we don’t mean a bit just because we were in rage. And nobody can blame me for that. And no one can tell me it’s wrong. No one can.
tanu ta my mga taong feeling? dai mu man inaanu, react tulos..defensive qng baga..masiramon sana para dangugon..reklamo dgd..reklamo ulit duman..nuarin sinda mapundo? kapag nakua n ninda n maung kapagal pagal ang mga gusto ninda..wow..mga ambisyoso..
tanu my mga taong madrama? is it because their life were so full of lies they were pretty disappointed with it..so all they do was whine the whole time. dramatization. as if man sa pagdrama naiaagi ang gabos..hihi
tanu ta my mga taong maung pakiaram? manhid sinda or talagang oblivious sa mga taong nakapalibot sainda? garo baga maung ibang nag’iikot sa mundo ninda kundi sinda lng. kung igwa mn iba, depende n lng kung csay c ngka’gate pass pra mkalaog sa private world na ito.
tanu ta my mga taong makulit? paulit ulit na..same issues..same problems..dai matapos tapos..ulit ulit lng..araaldaw.. every day..see? paulit ulit lng tlaga..makulit panu..makulit tlaga..hai..naku..kulit..kulit..kuliton..
tanu my taong ng’gigibong arog kani? waste of time ba? o talagang kadakol lng siyang oras para sayangon sa mga arog kaniung maung kwentang bagay..maung kwenta nga ba? tanu applicable sa real world??
kamu na sana bahalang mag’answer kng mga questions na iyan..tama n ang nasayang na oras para digdi..;)
either i was too inferior to admit these or i was naively stupid to even believe it..
And why can’t you just let me speak, finish the explanation, and be freaking done with it? God, your impossible. I couldn’t believe why there is a certain time that I looked up at you and even try to be like you. That was bloody stupid of me, I know. And you still got the nerve to insult me? Fuck. It’s utterly unbelievable. People like you shouldn’t exist. People like you should be incinerated until there’s nothing left but ashes. That way, you wouldn’t be able to contaminate that world further…