13th day of June..

Today was the day that I decided to die. It was of perfect date. It was of perfect timing to end everything. Why? I am blindly leading my life all this time and I’m tired. I have nothing to lose. I have nothing to gain. But I’d be peaceful. No more hatred. No more disappointments. It will be a good answer to the pointless life I’m living. It will be a solution to the burden I was carrying for so long. And it would be good. I know it would be.

I have been tired for so long, seeking my purpose in this world, in this very life. And as far as I know, I’ve been able to touch a few lives, I have been able to change one, though I may have unknowingly ruined one. I can never be sure but it wouldn’t matter anyway. I’ll be letting it all go and there’ll be nothing left to worry about after.

There’d probably be a lot of tears to shed when I’m gone. My family will probably cry a lot, stay in pain and guilt for a while. But in the end, they’d be able to accept it. They’ll move on and that will be the end of the story. That’s one good thing about this existence, we all felt pain, heartbreak and guilt but in a little span of time, we’ll learn to live with it and move on. Only a few might remember but most of them will surely forgot.

My friends will be shocked. They will be caught by surprise and they’ll wonder why on earth  will a girl so carefree and high-spirited would decide to take her life for no grave reason. It will be amusing I’m sure, to know who will cry, and who will mourn my death silently. There will be plenty of them I expect. After all, I am pretty much friendly. They’ll be at my funeral, almost all of them, in a group, wearing their black shirts and mourning. But they will never stop wondering why i came up with this decision. A few might understand. Those who knew me well and those who could read what’s in my eyes no matter how I smile to hide it all. But most of them will be left contemplating still. And I wouldn’t be there to explain it. After all, I’d be dead before they even know I was capable of doing it.

Yet I love my life. No one has the right to say I hate it just because I decided to let it all go in the end. It was my decision and no one was to blame for it. I’m waging all the responsibility for doing so leaving everyone guilt free.

I expect everyone will be able to accept this in due time. Besides, it is my life. I have every right to end it whenever I please.


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