remember..

I was appalled when he confessed it. Its been four years since we meet. Since we planned on something that we didn’t have the courage to start. I was in denial that time. He was all in honesty. I told him i like him. Though we both know it wasn’t enough to start a relationship. He told me he love me. Yet i couldn’t bring myself to say the same. Maybe i have doubts. Maybe i was waiting for more proof. Or maybe i just didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t essential anyway. In a short period of time, got himself a new girl. Told me he fell in love with someone else. I didn’t mind at all. Because i knew i haven’t got the same feelings that would make me take the risk of falling as he did. And so the story ends. Well i thought it had. But after four years of not a single contact, we found each other again. He told me he still got the same feelings back when we first met. He told me he got himself a rebound girl for the reason that he knew i couldn’t devote myself to him yet. That he only did that in the desperation to forget me. But he didn’t succeed. He still felt the same after four whole years of nothing. After four years of wandering into the world without a single clue. But what am i to say? I don’t even remember what i felt back then. Was it a simple fling? Or something more deeper? Four years made me forget. Four years change me. Yet he still expect me to remember everything that has happened four long years ago. But that wouldn’t happen. I’m not the same person as before. I may look at him different in the past but the present brought him no meaning in my life. Hard to accept for him probably. But this is the reality. This is the present. To me, he’s just another boy i met but didn’t bother to give attention. I never wanted to waste my time. He was a nice boy and a lot more, but that didn’t matter to me in any way. I changed. My point of view changed. Even my rules of attraction did. It didn’t matter what he told me before or what he told me now. He sounds as if he was trapped in the past. And i am not a person who would be willing to be caught up in something that has long ago been done, that has been buried deep into my memory, fading and will soon be erased.

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2 thoughts on “remember..

  1. Ruth Guzman says:

    Nicky, I loved this post. I think you’re right! When you wanna go on, the past must stay where it belongs, the past XD. I hope everything is OK now.

    Cheers bestie!

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